


It Must be the Chicken

by gracimay11



Category: Knights of the Pantheon
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, dad bod, dad lust, dwarf / pyre, traumatic armor fitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27586943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracimay11/pseuds/gracimay11
Summary: The blacksmith shop stands tall and imposing in the distance. The sign reads "Hot Pyre" and Sailor struggles to stifle a chuckle from across the street, only just taking the time to appreciate the pun and consider the irony given the particular situation he is in. Sailor never intended on returning to the blacksmith shop or speaking to the soft-spoken, kindly red pyre that owned it ever again, but as he was walking back to the church with Maddie and Saiphy in tow he found that he couldn't stop his mind from drifting back to the blacksmith or the truly amazing chicken dinner he had made for them.
Relationships: Sailor O'Malley & Lief Maernettln, Sailor O'Malley/Monech Dawntrot
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	It Must be the Chicken

The blacksmith shop stands tall and imposing in the distance. The sign reads "Hot Pyre" and Sailor struggles to stifle a chuckle from across the street, only just taking the time to appreciate the pun and consider the irony given the particular situation he is in. Sailor never intended on returning to the blacksmith shop or speaking to the soft-spoken, kindly red pyre that owned it ever again, but as he was walking back to the church with Maddie and Saiphy in tow he found that he couldn't stop his mind from drifting back to the blacksmith or the truly amazing chicken dinner he had made for them. 

At the time Sailor had just chalked it all up to emotional fatigue. Even though it was all about Maddie it had been a particularly emotional day for all involved. Meeting both her parents again after such a long time had been really hard on Maddie and in lieu of this Saiphy and Sailor had to form a sort of emotional support team, with Saiphy taking the lead on comfort and reason, and Sailor in distraction, arguably the best way of dealing with such emotional matters. Or at least that's how he justified his behavior in his head, but to be honest Sailor had really just been uncomfortable, and his silliness was the perfect tool slicing through the tension like a hot knife, Because if Sailor wasn't there for comedic relief who would be? 

But when he returned to the church late that night no matter what Sailor did he couldn't keep his mind off of the time spent in the blacksmith shop. He ate Davidson's shitty lamb stew in silence as he hungered for the taste of Monech's delicious rotisserie chicken to Grace his mouth instead. As he bathed in the river before bed he remembered the warmth of Monech's house due to the flames of the smelting pots in the shop below seeping up through the floorboards, and he shivered at the cold grasp of the river. And as he slept on the cold church floor with Lief quietly snoring into the nape of his neck, his arm draped around sailors waist from behind, the usual spark of excitement and tension was gone. Lief's presence no longer caused the same thrill in his bones or tug at his heartstrings, only a dull ache for something more. He wondered if Lief could feel this too as he pulled away from sailor completely and rolled over onto his other side, leaving no points of connection between the two and Sailor on the cold hard cobblestone by himself with no one to warm him. As sailor thought once again of monech's strong, fiery arms and the loving way they wrapped around his daughter, and how much Sailor himself longed to be wrapped up in them instead.

Even after Saiphy and her team left again for their adventures around Revelation Sailor thought about Maddie's father in all his downtime, which there was a lot of. And over the next few days Sailor had become more and more distant from the others around the church and his relationship with Lief grew more and more strained. Lief and Sailor no longer slept together, Lief had migrated to a vacancy on one of the pews, too small for Sailor to move onto it with him, neither of them wanted him to anyway, leaving Sailor to sleep alone on the floor with plenty of time and space to dream that he'd wake up to Monech's kind eyes staring into his own. 

A few days after Lief's move to the pew, he and Sailor sat quietly on the steps of the church awaiting the arrival of a shipment of food so that they could help hoist open the church gates. The sun was high above the church casting just enough shade for Sailor and Lief to be tucked comfortably into the shadows on the church's front steps, safe from the heat of the uncharacteristically warm spring afternoon. Lief had his long black hair pulled into a messy ponytail and flicked some of the loose strands of hair away from his eyes as he turned to sailor with a look of urgency, but said nothing. Sailor knew that Lief wanted his attention, wanted to talk to him but didn’t know if he would be able to face him with the truth, or if he even knew the truth to begin with. So Sailor just ignored him, stared straight ahead and pretended that his best friend’s eyes weren’t boring holes into him, taking in the curve of his cheek, the strait of his nose, counting the flecks of brown in his iris, and trying his hardest to come to terms with the fact that Sailor would never love him the same way that Lief loved him.

Lief was ready to talk before Sailor and broke the silence by quietly clearing his throat, but the tension remained unbroken. "Sailor," Lief let out in a soft whisper as though there were an invisible beast snoring between them and he was trying to prod it gently with his words but careful not to wake it, "We need to talk." 

Sailor knew exactly what he was after, the tension most days was near palpable, but he could still only utter a small pathetic "talk about what?"

Lief turned his body toward Sailor so that they were facing each other directly, his long legs sprawled out on the stone steps in front of Sailor’s. There is no escape now Sailor thought, the beast is awake. 

Lief settled into his new position with a sigh and readied himself for the words that had yet to form but needed to be said, “you’ve been acting weird recently man, it’s like you’re far away and . . ,” he paused, sighed again and began to prod gently at the toe of Sailors shoe with his own ”I guess I just miss you,” Lief peered up into sailors eyes, finally making eye contact, the connection he’d been missing for over a week now finally rearing its head and offering a glimpse of hope that things just might return to normalcy, but Sailor couldn’t go back.

Lief had been Sailor's best friend for years. The only person that could ever be counted on since Sailor had run away from home, especially now that Hawkthorne was gone. Sailor would be lying if he said that in the past month since he and Lief had moved into the church and Hawkthorne disappeared that he wasn’t getting feelings for Lief, but feelings are just that, sometimes they stay awhile and sometimes they’re gone as fast as they came. Something had changed inside of Sailor as soon as he laid eyes on Monech that day. He was the only person Sailor could think about anymore. That didn’t mean that Sailor couldn’t be friends with Lief anymore or that he didn’t still love him as a friend they just couldn’t be anything more than that. Friends.

Sailor opened his mouth to respond, but choked on his words as soon as they formed in the back of his throat. There was no way he could tell him anything without breaking his heart. But Lief left him with no other option, he needed Lief to be his friend just as much as he needed Monech to be his- What? What was monech to him besides the father of a friend or a Pyre who was also a blacksmith? What more could he possibly want from monech? Fatherhood? Friendship? No, neither of those seemed right. Romance? That one seems the closest but that’s also the hardest to deal with, to execute, and the hardest to stomach. Sailor would have to face that one later, head on. But for now he needed to face Lief.

Sailor chose his words with care and spoke them with even more. “Lief, i have been far away, I think,” he paused, reforming his words over and over again in his head, collecting as much energy as he could possibly pull together before finally letting the words tumble out of his mouth, simple, gentle, and straight to the point. “Lief you’re my best friend, and the only person I have ever been able to trust but i think i’ve been far away because we’re meant to be best friends and we slipped a little too close to being something else, i think i just needed the space to think about what i really wanted- no, what i really needed, and i think i figured it out,”

“And that’s friends?” murmured Lief.

“Yeah buddy, that’s friends,” Sailor looked up at the big lanky, bongo-playing nerd he had for a best friend and was grateful that no more needed to be said. Lief just understood, because Lief always understands, Because Lief is an amazing friend. When the long haired boy brought his gaze up to meet Sailors, his eyes were watery and sad but when Sailor smiled at him, Lief flashed a big goofy grin right back at him, rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, and stood right up on the lower steps, offering a hand to help sailor up. 

“C’mon buddy, we got some gates to open,” Lief announced. And so they did. as friends.

🍁🍁🍁

After the gates were open Lief suggested that him and Sailor have dinner together, but Sailor politely declined. He had one more thing to do today before he could rest easy. One last piece of the puzzle to figure out. So he borrowed a horse and carriage and set off for Monech’s blacksmith shop as soon as Lief was back inside the church doors.

That’s why Sailor stands here, just across the dirt sidestreet that houses “Hot Pyre,” awash in the hazy orange glow from the setting sun. 

The shop is pretty isolated compared to most stores in New Kartra, resting just a few miles off the curve of lake Kartra on the southside of town, the only other shops nearby being a dingy bar, a butcher shop, and a farm supply store, which makes perfect sense considering the sprawling expanse of farmland that surrounds it. It comes as a shock to Sailor that Monech actually gets customers all the way out of town like this.  
He must be pretty damn good at what he does.

Inside Sailor can just barely make out the mesmerizing flame of a lit forge still flickering inside the dim storefront, with no sign of a blacksmith to man it. The large open barn doors seem to beckon him closer, begging him to breach the gap.

This is Sailors last chance to turn around.His last opportunity to return to the church, forget this ever happened, and save himself the trouble of explaining to Saiphy why he had come back to her friend's father's house all by himself. It's tempting to think this could all be over and things could go back to normal, but he had lost the opportunity as soon as he'd told Lief how he felt. Things can never go back to normal, and talking to Monech, figuring out what it is that he really feels and whether or not Monech is possibly feeling the same feelings as Sailor, is the only way for him to ever truly be content.

But if this goes wrong, he would never be able to talk to Monech again. There would be no more rotisserie chicken. Never again would he visit with Maddie and his sister, joke and wrestle Saiphy on the warm wood flooring in the living room, then as he left the house share a short, sweet smile with Monech that would mean so much more than a simple goodbye between friends. But Sailor had to. Otherwise he would always regret never truly knowing what could have been between him and Monech. 

It's hard but Sailor takes his first quavering step toward the shop, hands shaking. What is Monech doing now Sailor wonders to himself. In the kitchen, in an apron, perfectly cool despite the heat of the oven. Making a dinner for one? Well he would have to make it dinner for two. Sailor takes another step. When Sailor walks into the shop would Monech greet him with a smile and blush as he takes off his soot stained apron. Another step. Could Monech look at Sailor like an old friend, cradle Sailor in his arms like he had with Maddie? Maybe even, as his warm flames licked at Sailors arms and cheeks, pull hims a little closer than a friend would, his dad bod slotting into Sailors short stocky figure in all the right ways? 

Sailor can no longer hold himself back he charges forward into the storefront with a newfound resolve, a bittersweet determination to take Monech into his arms and tell him exactly what he wants to do, and maybe, just maybe, Monech will want some of the same things.

Sailors bravery however, is short lived, when he steps foot inside the shop and realizes that Monech isn’t here. The front room is fairly large but gives the impression that it’s much, much smaller. The walls and ceiling are lined with a deep gray stone, and lack any allowance for light once you move past the large barn doors, still open at the front of the shop. A large forge waits with it’s large mouth open wide to the smoky air that fills the room, with a single flame still quavering, licking forward in a desperate search for fresh air. But making up the majority of the room are two long, wooden work tables that cover the entire length of the room covered in hefty metal tools in all shapes in sizes, the clutter making the expansive room look quaint, and cluttered.   
Sailor completely ignores the staircase next to the doorway in favor of happily traipsing through the aisles, with a newfound excitement, poking and prodding at any tong, wrench, or anvil that catches his eye. Sailor may be here on a serious personal mission, but he will always be hopelessly distracted by anything marginally as cool as blacksmiths tools. He is especially excited by the fact that they’re Monechs. His hot hands have been all over them, probably every day for years now, Hard at work, hammering at all kinds of swords, shields and armor. Here Sailor has been fawning over Monech cooking this whole time but, “Monech is a blacksmith!” thinks Sailor, not a chef. “If his food is good, just think about all the cool metal work he’s done!” It’s then that Sailor notices the glimmer of a shiny metal chest plate decorating a simple wooden mannequin at the back of the room, and gets drawn to it like a moth to the flame.

The chest plate is shiny and perfectly smooth without a flaw in sight. Piece by piece bonded together with chainmail joints. A Beautiful tapestry of plates and seams, masterfully crafted into a whole piece, perfectly suited for motion, and dexterity. Sailor carefully slides his callus laden musicians fingers up and over the cool metal, with even more admiration for Monech than when he walked into the store. This is a beautiful piece, long and slender, likely made for a thin humanoid creature like an elf, or a tiefling. Sailor would never have any use for a piece like this, nor was it meant for someone of his build, but he is not going to let that stop him. He can’t just find a beautiful chest plate like this one and not put it right on his sweaty little body. It would be a crime. And when Sailor gets little ideas like these in his head, there really isn’t a single thing that can stop him.

Sailor braces his fingers against the chest plate right where the ribs would be and braces his feet against the floor to better bear the weight as he pushes it up and over the top of the mannequin which wobbles at the clumsy onset of Sailors weight as he stretches upward onto his tiptoes to get the chest piece over the top. Sailor finally frees the chest plate with one last little hop, only just barely stopping himself and the mannequin from sprawling backwards in the process. “I gotta put this on my body now,” Sailor muses quietly to himself, “I worked for it!” 

Sailor shimmies his hands down to the bottom of the armor and carefully pops both his arms into the armor at nearly the same time, practically dropping it onto his head. The armor drops down, just onto Sailors shoulders with a quiet, melodious tinking, not quite being able to stretch itself around the beefier curves of Sailors body, leaving Sailor with his arms sticking straight up above his head and out the neck hole of the plate, and his head tightly packed between them right about where the belly button would be if the armor, for some reason, had one. Now all Sailor would have to do is wiggle his way up through the abdomen, and work his arms and head out through their respective holes, which was not proving to be an easy task. Beads of sweat began to form on Sailor’s neck and back as he began to shimmy furiously, slowly working the armor down his shoulders, his breaths coming a little faster and sharper and beginning to humidify the inside of the armor making sailors head and arms feel moist and sticky. He managed to move his way up through the armor about two or three inches, but it now began to catch on the curve of his arms and Sailor couldn’t seem to make much more progress.  
No matter how much Sailor seemed to flail or wiggle about, the armor refused to slide onto him any further than it already had.

Realizing that this dream in particular wouldn’t be coming into fruition today Sailor resigns himself to sliding the armor back off and putting it where he had found it. He sucks in a big breath of his own recycled air from within the armor, braces his fingertips against the sides and pushes upward at the heavy metal bearing down on him. But as the armor begins to pull upwards at Sailors shoulders, it starts to tug Sailors shirtsleeves upward along with it, leaving them to bunch up just inside the bottom edge of the armor, creating a thick fabric rim around Sailor’s shoulders making it impossible for the chest plate to move up any further. Sailor pushes and pushes, to no avail the first twangs of fear beginning to rattle around in the bottom of his stomach.

“Holy fuck,” Sailor thinks to himself, “I’m fucking stuck!” Panic settles over his body, fast and intense, and he begins flailing about frantically, his hands and fingers bouncing about uselessly above his head, the plating in front of him growing more and more humid and moist with each startled breath. Sailor tries bending straight over at his waist, quickly folding himself in half in the hopes of flinging the piece off his body, but that is way too stupid and physics just don’t work like that, he decides. Then, he tries crouching on his haunches and using his knees to nudge the armor upward from the bottom but he is neither flexible or balanced enough to get his knees that high without falling over. Desperate, he decides to take a risk. He steps blindly backwards towards what he hopes is a work table, feeling carefully along the ground with his feet until he finds a table leg. Then leans back and upward sliding his back along the edge of the table until it catches on the bottom of the chest piece, and pushes back on it, using the table as leverage. He manages to work the armor up just a few centimeters, before he leans back a little too hard and the lip of the armor slips off the corner of the table, sending Sailor tumbling to the ground, along with a cacophony of several heavy metal tools clattering loudly against the stone floors of the shop, the sound reverberating throughout the room.

Sailor groans from the shop floor and mutters a quiet prayer to Kartara, that Monech can’t hear him from upstairs. But Kairos must hear him instead because Sailor hears the rapping of footsteps against wood floors above him and realizes he is as good as dead.

Sailor realizes a little too late that he needs to try and get up and hide. Monech can’t see him like this, he would never take Sailor seriously. Sailor struggles helplessly on the floor. Trying to pull himself up with such a weight on his top half, and without the use of his arms is disastrous but through sheer force of will Sailor manages to fling himself forward with enough might that he’s able to heave himself up and onto his feet, only barely gaining his footing before launching himself too far and falling back onto the ground.

Sailor holds himself upright, completely still, trying to gauge just how much time he has left before Monech strides down the stairs and sees him flopping around in a chestplate that was very clearly not made for a dwarf. Over the crackling of the fire in the forge Sailor can just barely make out Monech's footsteps about halfway down the stairs. “Shit! I’m running out of time,” Sailor thinks as he racks his brain trying to remember the layout of the room and find a place to hide without being able to see anything. Then, he hears a creak toward the bottom of the stairs and frantically makes a blind run for the area behind the staircase, hoping that if he makes it Monech will just glance around the work room and make sure everything is okay without looking around very hard because Sailor would surely be found. But Sailor only manages to run for a few terrifying seconds in the dark, before his foot catches on a smelting pot laying on the floor, and he’s sent tumbling to the ground with a resounding CLANG! 

Sailor can feel his heart pounding in his chest. He lands stomach first onto the ground, the end of the chest piece pressing hard into his breast from his body weight. He can hear the steady breath of Monech at the foot of the staircase on the other side of the room, likely looking directly at him, and still afraid and embarrassed from his struggles across the shop. Sailor opts to just lie there. Hoping that against all odds, he didn't just completely blow all his chances of being taken seriously.

Then he hears the first wheezy rasp of breath, and Sailor thinks "oh God! I gave him a heart attack!" Sailor begins once again trying desperately to heave himself up, off the floor, first rolling over onto his back, then pushing himself up beyond his dignity and throwing his torso forward in the hopes that maybe there would be a chance that he could still help Monech, to save his life. Then he hears another rasp for air and what sounds like. . . A chuckle? And it comes to Sailor all too late how ridiculous he must look, thrashing his limbs and body about on the floor, half jammed in chest piece far too small to ever fit on his body, like a turtle flipped onto it's back, struggling fruitlessly to be on his feet again.

Sailor feels his entire body go beet red as Monech begins to chuckle, hard and loud at the front of the shop. His laugh is deep and smooth with a sharp nose whistle striking out between his breaths. It's adorable but Sailor is not exactly in a position to enjoy it right now.

After a few humiliating minutes of Monech's chuckles, he pauses to regain his breath, he strolls forward at a leisurely pace and crouches just beside sailors head.

"This is quite the situation you've gotten yourself into here," he muses.

Sailor doesn't have the words to form a response. Nothing could justify this.

"Well let's just get you out of there, then," and with a grunt Monech pushes himself back into upright position before crouching over Sailor with his feet on either side of Sailors hips as he tucks his fingers up between the rib plates of the armor and hoists Sailor up onto his feet, both of them letting out a soft grunt at the weight of the metal. Now, with Sailor is back on his feet, Monech tucks his fingers underneath the bottom of the armor, his fingers prodding gently against Sailor's warm sweat-slicked skin. Monech gives the chest piece a sharp tug and it comes loose with a soft pop. 

Monech stumbles backwards into a work table with the chest plate in hand, and Sailor is sent tumbling away onto the ground for the third time today. 

Sailor lies on the ground, lowering his head in shame, suddenly fascinated by the shape of the rocks used in the cobblestone floor. I mean that one looks like a loaf of bread haha how cool and interesting this floor is! 

“You alright there son?”

“I- uh yeah, i- um just, well,” Sailor takes a deep breath, leveling his gaze on Monech’s worn leather boots, still not quite working up the courage to look him in the eye. “I just thought your armor looked pretty cool and stuff.”

Monech wheezes out another lighthearted chuckle. “Thank you, lotta hard work went into it. it’s perfectly crafted for the elf i made it for, don’t think it fit you too well, but if you want,” Monech stepped forward over Sailor extending a kindly hand to his shameful display “I could make you one of your own.”

Sailor peered up at his hand, his gaze quickly sliding up over his brown work pants, to his tanned brown leather apron smudged with soot, his toned orange arms bristling with his radiant energy, and finally, stopping on his gentle smile. Sailor's heart flipped in his chest. Nothing about Monech was unfriendly and as Sailor pulled himself up with Monech’s help, he couldn’t help but think, “if i died right now, i would be happy his smile was the last thing i saw,” but Sailor didn’t die. Okay well maybe he did a little, he is still downright mortified by his actions preceding the encounter and will never be able to look at any chest piece the same again, but seeing Monech seems to have a calming effect on Sailor, like the blacksmiths gentle flames are warming Sailors mind, leaving a gentle tingling sensation in every void and corner they prodded into. The tingling persists even as Monech's smile shifts into a look of confusion. 

“I’m sorry what’d you say your name was?”

“I didn’t actually, I'm Sailor though- I came with your daughter and her friend- my sister Saiphy, to- uh reunite with you, oh uh we came with Maddie to reunite with you, we couldn’t reunite we were never united! Ha! But I guess that’s what I'm here for now. To unite with you! Um- so if you were thinking i’m familiar, i am super familiar! . . . yeah. . . '' Sailor let go of Monech’s hand to scratch nervously at the back of his head while every nerve in his body urged him to facepalm instead. Sailor is an idiot.

“Oh- okay then, if you’re just here for a visit then why don’t you join me upstairs? We can unite over some of my world famous rotisserie chicken” 

“Yeah! You’d be awesome- i-i mean THAT SOUNDS AWESOME,” Sailor silently curses at himself in his head. It has never been this hard for him to talk to another person before and he is making an absolute fool of himself. 

Monech walks ahead of Sailor, to his apartment the floor above and for a brief moment Sailor considers darting out the door before he has another opportunity to embarrass himself. But ultimately decides against it. He’s been preparing himself all day. If he doesn’t take the chance now, he never will, he would also miss out on Monech’s rotisserie chicken and that would be a travesty. 

Monech peeks his head out from the top of the stairs. “You coming?”

“Yes man, sir!” 

“Hah! Man-sir? I like it!” 

Sailor makes a noise resembling “Gaiechaggh!” before following Monech upstairs. Monech either doesn’t hear or politely decides to pretend he didn’t.

Upstairs, Monech’s apartment is just like Sailor remembered it. Perfectly organized and strikingly cozy. An intimate little fireplace sits tucked away in the corner stoked to perfection. Most of the furniture looks to be handmade, each object a display of Monech’s craftsmanship and upon each upholstered piece is a conveniently placed throw blanket like each surface of the room is calling out “hey, hangout awhile. Take a nap. You’re safe here.” And the smell -good lord the smell is the best. The entire house smells of firewood and herbs and the closer you get to the kitchen, rotisserie chicken. Sailor is immediately overwhelmed with a sense of calm. Everything about Monech’s apartment, much like the man himself is extremely approachable. It’s hard to feel any kind of nerves when everything surrounding you is dampening them out with a sort of hazy aura of serenity and friendliness. So Sailor calms the hell down and makes himself at home. 

“Well you can just tuck in right here at the table the food is almost done cooking. Oh and sorry about the mess I didn't really expect to have company tonight. I’ll just er-” he grabs at the clutter on the table with quick, clumsy, hands hastily trying to gather up the contents of a rather large hat box he seems to have dumped out over its surface with an expression of mild embarrassment. The table is littered with baby socks, old kids toys, and family photos, journals and more of the like. The corner of an old photograph catches Sailor's eye from underneath a pile of old documents and Sailor grabs it before monech has the chance to notice or stop him. 

The photo features Monech and two identical pyre girls, presumably Maddie and Addie. They all smile happily at the camera. Monech has his arm wrapped around one girl's shoulders to rest on the other's little head. Both of them are holding tiny metal snakes like trophies. They all seem to be in an older version of the workshop downstairs. Where large built-in forges make their home today are smaller, lesser, handmade ones and the clutter on the tables is primarily sewing machines and fabrics where today you’d find tools and machinery, but that’s not what catches Sailors attention. His eyes are drawn to Monech and for a moment he’s captivated by how young he looks but the shock of his appearance doesn't get to Sailor as much as the shock from his expression. Monech seems genuinely happy in this photo. Sure he smiles and is plenty friendly today but you can tell that it's hard for him. There's pain behind his eyes. A slight downturn to his smile. The man in the room with Sailor today has been through a whole lot more than the man in the picture and it shows. Sailor wonders offhandedly for a moment what it would take to make Monech smile like that once again.

"Monech, is this you and Maddie?" Monech looks up from the hat box startled for a second but it quickly subsides into a withdrawn melancholy.

"Um, yes that's Maddie, her sister and I" Monech fidgets with the items in his hands briefly, not quite sure if he should keep packing up or commit to this conversation with Sailor. Ultimately he tucks them away gently in the hat box. He walks over to Sailor and peers at the photo from over his shoulder. "I made them those little snakes when I first opened the shop, they curve sort of in the shapes of the letters of their names, see?" Sailor observes how the girl tucked under his arm is holding a snake that curves into the shape of an 'M' and the girl next to her is holding a snake that forms a curved arch almost like the crest of a cursive capital 'A'. "They probably don't have those anymore though, they'd only bring back bad memories nowadays"

"What do you mean?"

"Well with Addie being missing and all, then there's everything that happened leading up to that night, They'd probably only be reminded of the shop and. . . all the hours I wasted away here when I should have been with them," Sailor stares down at the picture silently thinking about all the pain Monech must be going through having lost his entire family over the course of only a year and how lonely he must be all by himself here. He must have been looking at these pictures when Sailor showed up. Sailor Wonders if this is all Monech feels he has left of his life, reminiscing about all the things he's lost, giving up entirely on making amends or starting over, giving up entirely on himself and getting back the family he’s failed and squandered away. He’s probably given up on feeling happy or loved ever again. 

Sailor starts to stutter out a quiet and awkward "it must be hard. . ." Without knowing what to finish with. He almost starts to panic but then he feels something wet drop onto the back of his neck and stiffens. 

He swivels around to see Monech. His eyes shut tightly, tears rolling down his cheeks, holding tightly to the back of a dining chair like a lifeline. "It's all my fault, I didn't spend enough time with them. If I was home with them that night they would still . . ." A sob wracks Monech's body and he collapses into his arms trembling. "They would still be here." 

Sailor observes the broken man before him, surprised and morose. Panicking, without a clue of what to do next, Sailor stands helplessly and watches Monech’s golden toned teardrops fall to the floor one by one. Being cute and lighthearted is usually how he gets himself out of these difficult situations and he considers it for just a second. How easy it would be to rattle off something stupid to lighten the mood and move on. Make the situation awkward so Monech forgets his problems and they could both shrug it off and walk away but Sailor isn’t here to walk away from his problems. He’s here because he decided It’s time he puts on a brave face and endures the challenges that life puts before him. For once Sailor has the means to give someone exactly what they need. Monech is lonely and Sailor is lonely and if Sailor could just pull himself together and use this moment to pull him and Monech closer they might both be better off. Monech needs Sailor right now Sailor’s not about to let another person down in fear that he’ll make things worse. He’s done that more than enough times already. 

It’s true this could all blow up in his face if he says or does the wrong thing, but nothing will ever get better if he doesn’t try. He just has to figure out what to say.

Sailor takes a deep breath and carefully places one hand over Monech's on the chair and the other gently on the center of his back. "No, hey Monech it's not your fault, okay?” Monech stiffens, and Sailor struggles to find more words. Any words. Any words are better than none. “H-hey, were you the one that hired those guys to kidnap Addie?" 

"No, but if I was there. . ."

"If you were there then what? Who's to say they wouldn't have taken you too? Or killed you? O-or worse?"

"I should have been there at least to try to protect them. I'm their father! I would go back in time and be taken instead in a heartbeat if it meant their safety! But I wasn't there. I can’t go back! I failed them and there’s nothing I can do!” 

Monech, in his fervor stood up straight again and now stands in front of Sailor heavy hearted, staring down at the dining chair, his hands now clenched tightly by his sides.

Sailor is still as Monech continues to sob. He prepares himself to say what is probably the opposite of what Monech wants to hear. And prays to Kartara that this won't get him thrown out.

"You're right," Monech's sobs still and he raises his head to look at Sailor who stares resolutely ahead into the kitchen. "You should have been there for them, that much is true" he turns to look Monech in the eyes. "You made a mistake because you aren't perfect, nobody is. No matter how bad you were at being a father you didn't deserve to lose them like that and you definitely don't deserve to be taking all the blame on yourself like this." Monech and Sailor stay that way for a moment, both staring ahead into the others eyes, pausing to let Sailors words sink in. 

Monech stands up straight and wipes the tears away from his eyes. "But it is my responsibility to be better today, and to make it up to them,"

A small smile tugs at the corners of Sailors mouth "yeah, it is."

Both boys take a deep breath. Monech's expression changes quickly from one of pain to a strained probably forced smile "Thank you, Sailor. I-. . . I have to do better. You- well, I'm sorry you had to bear witness to all of that I'm-"

"No-no it's not a problem in the slightest you obviously needed it I really don't mind at all. I'll- well, I'm here whenever you need me okay?" 

The awkwardness of Monech's smile disappears one last tear slips out of the corner of his eye and he starts to look a little like himself again. "Okay. Thank you Sailor really."

Sailor shrugs and flashes a half smile at Monech then begins to look frantically around the room, once again unsure what to do with himself. 

Monech takes a step closer to Sailor with a look in his eyes that Sailor can't quite place. Sailor freezes. Monech leans closer and begins to reach for Sailor. Sailors' minds goes in fifty different directions. What is Monech going to do? His heart begins to race, pounding hard in his chest and he freezes in anticipation suddenly aware of his body from the awkward positioning of his feet to Monech's family photo still clutched tightly in his hand. Wait! Monech's family photo is still in his hand! "Um, wait! Here, weren't you going to pack this up in your little box?" Monech freezes and looks at him a bit confused and then disappointed. 

"Oh, yes, uh, thank you. You're right" Monech chuckles awkwardly and carefully plucks the picture from Sailors extended hand before placing it gently back in its box and moving it into a cupboard out of reach from Sailors eager hands. Meanwhile Sailor watches silently, realizing a few seconds later that his hand is still extended and drops it to his side silently cursing at himself for being so stupid and awkward. Monech finishes with the box and turns around again just in time to miss Sailors awkward gesture. 

"Well, I guess I'd better go check on that chicken" Monech says with disappointment in his voice yet again. Sailor is confused. Just what does he have to be so disappointed about? "Feel free to take a seat here at the table, make yourself comfortable. I'll be back in just a moment."

Sailor plops down at the table and let's his mind drift off to think about his own father. Sailor never met his father. He wonders if he even knows about him or if his father is anything like Monech. His thoughts drift back to his mother and how cruel she was to Sailors family. How lonely he was growing up until he met Lief and ran away. How lonely he is now that him and Lief are- well he isn't quite sure what to make of that yet. He thinks about Monech and how wrong he was about him. He thought that Monech was going to be stable, a rock to fall back on when Sailor was feeling weak, a source of limitless love to fall back on when his world seemed to be falling apart. Instead he found a broken man so scarred from his losses that he shut himself up away from the world thinking that he doesn't deserve to feel loved again. Sailor thinks about how badly he wants to prove Monech wrong and that maybe Monech needs Sailor a bit more than Sailor thought he needed Monech. He rests his cheek on his hand and thinks about how much he wishes Monech didn't shut his feelings away like he does and hopes that someday Monech won't stop himself from crying before he's finished and Sailor will be there to make sure all his broken pieces get put back together again.

Monech emerges from the kitchen and stops short in the doorway knotting his fingers together. "it's going to be a few more minutes before it's ready it seems. Sorry about that." Sailor stands from the table and makes his way across the dining room to stand in front of Monech. He smiles up at him. 

"That's okay, I'm fine with waiting." 

" Thank you, Sailor," Monech replies in a tone much too heavy for a conversation about chicken. 

"Sure, no problem," Sailor replies brusquely and shrugs, again not quite getting the memo.

"No, uh, about talking me down earlier. I think I really needed to hear that. I just needed you to know how grateful I am. I really can't quite wrap my head around why you'd stay through all of that so, um thank you"

Sailor puzzles Monech’s earnest expression wondering how he still doesn’t realize how much value he has. "Monech it's because I care about you, I know we don't really know each other but you seem like a really nice guy and you deserve the help. You really do. So don't beat yourself up over it. . . Oh, uh," Sailor freezes. Monech kneels in front of him so they stand at eye level. He smiles at Sailor for a moment and Sailor smiles back. Monech's smile sets loose a swarm of butterflies in Sailors stomach but the confrontation makes Sailor panic again. Monech puts his arms out wide and begins to lean forward into him and Sailor thinks oh God it's happening! He's gonna kiss me! Sailor steels himself for the kiss and leans forward to meet Monech halfway. He turns his head and his lips connect with the corner of Monech's mouth just as monech's arms wrap around Sailors shoulders. The angle is awkward and the embrace is short lived as Monech pulls away almost immediately with a stunned look on his face. It takes a minute but Sailor finally realizes, horrified that was supposed to be a hug. 

He feels his face flush red once again and takes in Monech's shocked expression. A swarm of oh God's, oh no's, and what do I do's begin rattling around in his head. Monech just wants to be friends and Sailor just fucked everything up royally. He should've just stayed back at the church with Lief. Clearly this was all a big mistake. How can he be so stupid?

Sailor's heart drops even further when Monech begins to laugh. The chuckle he thought so endearing just moments ago making Sailor shudder each new breath like a dagger through his heart. Sailor takes a shaky step back and tears well up in the corner of his eyes. I'm just a joke to him Sailor thinks he'll only ever think of me as just some stupid boy who can't tell the difference between a hug and a kiss he doesn't need me after all. I'm still just a stupid kid. Sailor stumbles back another step into the dining room wall knocking his shoulder into a low hanging picture that goes tumbling to the ground. The crash resonates through the room. Monech stops laughing abruptly. Sailor gasps and whips around to look at the mess he's made. The frame of the picture is face down on the floor and still intact. The glass however is very broken. The mess doesn't cover much of the floor around them but the glass has been reduced to a pile of shards underneath the picture. "I-i'm so sorry Monech i-"

Monech, free from his laughter levels his gaze on Sailor suddenly concerned and a bit confused by how quickly things escalated. "Sailor wait. It's-It's okay." His voice should be warm and calm and have the effect of a warm blanket being pulled across Sailors shoulders. But Sailors mind is steel reeling with shame. Monech’s words feel patronizing. It almost hurts more than being yelled at would have.

"But the painting and-"

"Sailor," Monech grabs his shoulder from behind and gently tugs Sailor to face him "it's all okay." Monech pulls Sailor's face up to look him in the eye. All it takes is a gentle nudge with his big warm calloused hand to Sailor's chin. Monech smiles at him. Sailor still feels guilty and embarrassed and hurt but he would be lying if he said the smile didn't make him feel just a little bit better. Monech is beautiful. He can see the outlines of his features beneath the flames. This close Monech is breathtaking. Sailor wishes he hadn't been so stupid. Another tear falls down his cheek. He silently prays to Kartara he didn’t ruin this. His hands continue to shake at his sides. 

Monech leans back to get a better look at Sailor. He observes Sailors chubby boyish face and the stubbly bits of a beard already beginning to grow on his face since he shaved that morning, he takes in Sailors choppy brown hair that was likely cut by his own hand, the piercings up and down his ears, the light refracting off of Sailors hazel eyes, his bulky shoulders, his solid dwarven build, all the way down to the shin high boots covering Sailors big chunky feet. Monech observes that Sailor is indeed a rather attractive young man. A kind and friendly man who has already done more for Monech emotionally than most other people have bothered to do after years of knowing him. He thinks about how great it would be to have someone around to talk to, to laugh with, and to hold again.He knows he doesn't deserve someone like Sailor. He's already made him cry tonight. Wet streaks still glisten on his cheeks in the lamplight. Monech knows he'll only break his spirit just like he did Saorise. He's too emotional, too needy. He knows that Sailor will tire of him and leave here a mess in a few days time but it hurts too much to let another person go. He decides that he desperately needs someone like Sailor right now no matter how much he knows this will hurt them both in the long run. Right now, he knows exactly how to make him feel a little bit better. How to make him stay.

Monech leans forward into Sailor once again taking Sailors scratchy chin in his hand and guiding Sailors face to meet his own. He pauses, feeling Sailors breath on his lips, watching Sailors long eyelashes as they flutter down onto his cheeks when he blinks. Sailor looks up at him with mild shock and confusion, a look that somehow still manages to plead please, don't hurt me again And incites a look from Monech that says you’re safe here I won't hurt you and no matter how true it is Monech still believes it a lie.

Sailor sees Monech close his eyes and follows suit as he's pulled forward to meet Monech's lips. The kiss is slow and tender. Monech slides his hand from Sailors chin to the back of his neck, pulling Sailors head back and his mouth closer, deepening the kiss. Sailor melts into him already rubbed raw from the emotional turmoil of the day. He wraps his short arms around Monech’s neck. His mind is, for once, quiet, fuzzy, blissful, and empty, peacefully empty. Monech’s lips are so warm. 

The boys part for air. Monech opens his eyes to see Sailors still shut. He leans back, his arms still tangled around Monech’s neck, his thumbs gently prodding into the textured flames at Monech’s hairline. His breath comes gently, he can be calm, he knows he’s welcome now. Monech smiles gently to himself and presses a gentle kiss to Sailor's eyelid. They flutter open and Sailor smiles back at him briefly before his face falls again. “This isn’t going to make things awkward is it?”

“I suspect it’s going to do the opposite,” They smile at each other, warm and content. their brains cloudy with euphoria swimming with all the possibilities that come along with their budding relationship. Both of them hope they don’t screw this one up. “That’s what you came here for wasn’t it?” Monech asks with a playful edge to his voice. Sailor looks up at him flusters and flounders for a response besides Yes, i’ve been imagining that kiss for weeks. Monech chuckles, “You had a crush on me.” Sailor pulls away and manages an “um” and a “well” from his brain before he devolves into awkwardly glancing about the room. Monech smiles brightly and caresses Sailor cheek. “Well I hope i don’t disappoint.” They position themselves for another kiss, their lips a hair's breadth apart when a sharp ding sounds from the kitchen. Both of them pull away and giggle. Monech stops abruptly and quickly pecks the corner of Sailor’s smiling mouth. “That must be the chicken.” 

Monech stands and moves toward the kitchen but Sailor stops him with a gentle tug to his sleeve. “Wait,” He and Monech make eye contact before they both glance down at the pile of glass still sitting on the floor.   
“Um, well there’s a broom in the corner if you wouldn’t mind while i get the chicken.” 

“Oh, yeah sure no problem.”

Monech begins to walk backwards into the kitchen, keeping his gentle eyes on Sailor the whole time, “and when i come back we’ll have a lovely dinner together.” He winks as well as a pyre can and disappears behind the archway. Sailor smiles in his absence. 

He walks over to the picture on the ground, still guilty about breaking it but he thinks Monech was more worried about him then he remembers what happened after, the press of Monech’s lips against his, the warmth of his arms where they wrapped around Sailor’s body and He thinks that maybe he’ll be able to get over the guilt pretty easily. 

Sailor steps very carefully over the glass pile he created on the floor and heads for the broom Monech said was in the corner of the room. He finds it pretty easily and heads back to the mess without a hitch. He thinks it might be the first thing he’s done today without complications. He stoops over the glass where the picture still sits face down on top of the pile and gently plucks it from the floor. There’s a tinkling noise as he picks it up and shakes the picture gently so the last of the glass can fall free from the frame. Once there’s no more threat of danger from holding the frame Sailor turns the photo over in his hands so he can get a better look. 

It’s another family photo, one Sailor didn’t notice when he’d first walked into the room. This picture features four pyres instead of three like the last one. He easily recognizes Monech, Maddie, and her sister and comes to the conclusion that the yellow pyre woman with Monech’s arm wrapped around her must be Maddie's mother. It’s a rather dreary family photo. They all stand huddled under two separate umbrella’s outside a small ramshackle suburban house. The girls look to be around eight years old and Monech and his wife look fairly young as well. By all means they should be smiling but they aren’t. The entire family seems to have the camera pinned with a firm glare. The rainclouds wash everyone's colorful clothing out until happy blues and yellows become jewel tones and shades of gray. It isn’t a happy family captured in this photo. Sailor remembers Maddie and thinks back on the side of Monech he met today and figures it makes sense. Still he hopes that maybe he’ll be around for the next family photo they take and that maybe he’ll be able to liven it up a bit. He might need Saiphy for an undertaking like that though. 

Sailor sets the photo gently on the table and begins to sweep up the glass left behind on the ground quietly humming to himself as he does. He hears Monech clattering about in the kitchen and pictures him happily plating their dinner. He thinks about how soon they’ll be sitting next to each other at the table eating Monech’s delicious chicken and he thinks i could live like this. And hopes that someday he’ll be able to put some happy photos on the wall. 

Sailor finishes his cleaning and Monech emerges from the kitchen a few moments later with two plates in hand. “Hope you’re hungry,” Monech smiles.

“Ugh famished,” Sailor replies. “That was hard work.” 

“Aw come on now it wasn’t that big of a mess” 

“Oh not from that. That was nothing” Monech looks at him and raises an eyebrow. “I’m talking about getting you to like me back.”

Monech chuckles “Not nearly as hard as you think.” The boys smile at each other and settle into their seats. Sailor gets up a few seconds into the meal and scoots his chair as close as he possibly can to Monech’s without being on top of him but he chuckles idly to himself that being on top of him wouldn’t be such a bad idea. They eat their meal and chatter happily about their lives, monech’s armor, Sailors family and all the little things you talk about when you want to memorize someone from the inside out. The chicken is delicious. When they’re finished they wash dishes together and move to the living room to huddle in front of the fireplace. The entire time the conversation continues smoothly, there are no lulls, no awkwardness just talking. It’s nice and for the first time in a long time if you asked either Sailor or Monech if they were happy, they could confidently, genuinely smile at you and tell you yes.


End file.
